Congratulations on the earnings. I love how you are so passionate about what you enjoy. Also, I kind of get about the rage, bully thing, my mother was abusive both verbally and physically. It was so irrational and scary. I had an Aunt once tell me to run from her but I couldn’t imagine doing that because she had polio 2braces, so ghee that wouldn’t be very nice now would it. (It’s hard being me). I’m great at taking up for myself and have quite the sarcastic mouth, but when I encounter someone hysterical, irrational acting, you out will find me under a sofa or in a closet. I could better deal with a home invasion. Have a beautiful day Sandy Sandalore.
I absolutely relate to all of that! Misused power doesn’t even really need muscle behind it, does it? You and I can hang out under the couch together… make it a fort! Thanks for the congrats, I am actually inordinately pleased (and trying to play it cool!)
I’m crying with joy Sandolore, what an honour to watch your life as we would a movie. It’s so true what you express here, I don’t remember a time I felt angry and wrong at the same time. Ah what a piece!
Right? Anger does terrible things to reason… it is such a selfish narrowing! But I am trying to find a way to speak my peace so I don’t have to blow up! Honestly, the work you and I have done is all over what I am going through… I suppose that is obvious to you! In other news, did you see I did a solo live ramble on my other Substack? I thought a lot about you (and mentioned you when I needed a little breather…) Boy is it hard to go it alone!
That is fantastic news, Sandalore. Anger is the easiest emotion. It's "right there" for many of us and it's important that you took the risk you did. Huge stride. I think it's interesting how, as we make an effort to learn and grow we throw off old fears of reaching out in genuine ways. I admire you. How you are willing to reach out and stretch yourself in these situations. You are doing important work in this cycle of your creativity. So many ideas, so many words and projects need to come out of you right now and you are embracing them!
This was so inspiring. It amazing how a lot of times we have a view of ourselves that is different from the way we really are. You do so much and get so fully involved that to me it makes perfect sense that you were the one who was able to speak up in this way. Love this.
The personal story here was great. You handled that with aplomb. Anger and rage are both valid and necessary emotions (or at least every therapist I know says so) but it's how you handle them in yourself and others that gets you points. (I was a very angry young man. I mean, I'm still very much a boiling pot of rage, my dead best friend said I was the angriest thing on the planet, and she may have been right. But that's reserved for things like, institutions, serious injustice, lord help you if you hit a woman in front of me because you bouta have a talk with whatever God you believe in while very unconscious.) I'm glad you're speakin' up. Boom, and suddenly you're in the group.
I think most people just want honesty. Most people also don't know it.
As for the autofiction. I hadn't read that story somehow (right before we became aware of each others existence on the board, I thank ARC, Brock, you, and Sum Flux for that.) And it deserves more reads, more play, as it were. But I'm gonna tell you this, aside from the fact that you admitted it, all fiction is autofiction. That's just a label that people use for things they write that more or less happened to them, but the trick is to take that feeling, take the truth of the autofiction, your wound, your issue, whatever really happened, and cover it with lies until you get to the bigger truth. All of your stories are great, that one just has less elements of the uncanny or surreal or hyperreal in it. It's the same sort of voice, the exact same voice really, but stripped down to contemporary realist.
What probably put that heat on it though, is the clock. Put a draft of a short story against a clock like Andrew does, and if you have stripes you're going to get something hot. You have to strip down the overthinking, the tinkering, everything else, basically you have to get out of your own way (a suggestion I have given to several author friends stuck or sticking in place lately) get a story, and get to the point, in this case, you know, in 3 hours and only so many words. That sort of immediacy, working against something like time, which can turn real fast into working against, or with yourself; that's what you're seeing in the piece. And the non-compliant version carries over the burn of the limits you had. (As a formal and informal experimentalist I'm big on constraints and self imposed limitations in my writing. If you read Floridecay and then go read My Name is My Name, I wrote those both under a set of very specific constraints I have written down on an index card. I don't always get that technically formal, but yeah, you get the picture.)
It just so happens that the quickest thing for you to grab was most likely low hanging fruit (personal experience) and it's beautiful, wonderfully written, does what I want it to do, as an editor I'm here for it. But it could have just as easily been the same emotional through line but something else completely.
All fiction is autofiction, and no fiction is autofiction. Everything I write is nothing but a lie that tells the truth, no matter how many bits of my actual experiences pepper the prose, unless I tell you directly. (Between the two, both of the previous stories of mine mentioned are hard to pin down as to which has more of my actual lived experience in it, but neither of them are autofiction.)
I may also be going to great lengths to make the point that I FUCKING HATE THE TERM AUTOFICTION. But there's like, three more essays there.
Sandalore - as with all your work this hits the mark because of the truth and honesty that sits behind everything you do. The anger thing really struck a chord, mostly because of my particular set of trauma, I am more likely to be the ranting maniac than the person trying to make sense of it. Its been a real block for me over the years and I have tried many ways to control it, acknowledge it, work with it, use it... I've tried them all. I'm acutely aware of the destructive nature of the rage and the pointlessness of it in most situations - I have very little to be angry about in truth - yet still it rises, unbiden and takes over - I have to remove myself from my work place or friends and get control of the demon again - hopefully before I have said to much... I have found writing to be a great outlet - many of my close friends don't even believe I have this side to me - which is a good thing, but it also means I have to be even more careful because the damage would be more extreme/ surprising if I did let my guard down. There is so much work still to be done. You create a safe place for comment and discussion and you do this by being open and honest in a way I aspire to. See how we are all sharing our story in response to yours - that's a gift... a gift we cherish.
Congratulations on the earnings. I love how you are so passionate about what you enjoy. Also, I kind of get about the rage, bully thing, my mother was abusive both verbally and physically. It was so irrational and scary. I had an Aunt once tell me to run from her but I couldn’t imagine doing that because she had polio 2braces, so ghee that wouldn’t be very nice now would it. (It’s hard being me). I’m great at taking up for myself and have quite the sarcastic mouth, but when I encounter someone hysterical, irrational acting, you out will find me under a sofa or in a closet. I could better deal with a home invasion. Have a beautiful day Sandy Sandalore.
I absolutely relate to all of that! Misused power doesn’t even really need muscle behind it, does it? You and I can hang out under the couch together… make it a fort! Thanks for the congrats, I am actually inordinately pleased (and trying to play it cool!)
I’m crying with joy Sandolore, what an honour to watch your life as we would a movie. It’s so true what you express here, I don’t remember a time I felt angry and wrong at the same time. Ah what a piece!
Right? Anger does terrible things to reason… it is such a selfish narrowing! But I am trying to find a way to speak my peace so I don’t have to blow up! Honestly, the work you and I have done is all over what I am going through… I suppose that is obvious to you! In other news, did you see I did a solo live ramble on my other Substack? I thought a lot about you (and mentioned you when I needed a little breather…) Boy is it hard to go it alone!
That is fantastic news, Sandalore. Anger is the easiest emotion. It's "right there" for many of us and it's important that you took the risk you did. Huge stride. I think it's interesting how, as we make an effort to learn and grow we throw off old fears of reaching out in genuine ways. I admire you. How you are willing to reach out and stretch yourself in these situations. You are doing important work in this cycle of your creativity. So many ideas, so many words and projects need to come out of you right now and you are embracing them!
Yes, baby steps! Feeling my way to getting my stance right!
This was so inspiring. It amazing how a lot of times we have a view of ourselves that is different from the way we really are. You do so much and get so fully involved that to me it makes perfect sense that you were the one who was able to speak up in this way. Love this.
Wow. That means a lot coming from such a luminous person! Thank you, Deirdre!
The personal story here was great. You handled that with aplomb. Anger and rage are both valid and necessary emotions (or at least every therapist I know says so) but it's how you handle them in yourself and others that gets you points. (I was a very angry young man. I mean, I'm still very much a boiling pot of rage, my dead best friend said I was the angriest thing on the planet, and she may have been right. But that's reserved for things like, institutions, serious injustice, lord help you if you hit a woman in front of me because you bouta have a talk with whatever God you believe in while very unconscious.) I'm glad you're speakin' up. Boom, and suddenly you're in the group.
I think most people just want honesty. Most people also don't know it.
As for the autofiction. I hadn't read that story somehow (right before we became aware of each others existence on the board, I thank ARC, Brock, you, and Sum Flux for that.) And it deserves more reads, more play, as it were. But I'm gonna tell you this, aside from the fact that you admitted it, all fiction is autofiction. That's just a label that people use for things they write that more or less happened to them, but the trick is to take that feeling, take the truth of the autofiction, your wound, your issue, whatever really happened, and cover it with lies until you get to the bigger truth. All of your stories are great, that one just has less elements of the uncanny or surreal or hyperreal in it. It's the same sort of voice, the exact same voice really, but stripped down to contemporary realist.
What probably put that heat on it though, is the clock. Put a draft of a short story against a clock like Andrew does, and if you have stripes you're going to get something hot. You have to strip down the overthinking, the tinkering, everything else, basically you have to get out of your own way (a suggestion I have given to several author friends stuck or sticking in place lately) get a story, and get to the point, in this case, you know, in 3 hours and only so many words. That sort of immediacy, working against something like time, which can turn real fast into working against, or with yourself; that's what you're seeing in the piece. And the non-compliant version carries over the burn of the limits you had. (As a formal and informal experimentalist I'm big on constraints and self imposed limitations in my writing. If you read Floridecay and then go read My Name is My Name, I wrote those both under a set of very specific constraints I have written down on an index card. I don't always get that technically formal, but yeah, you get the picture.)
It just so happens that the quickest thing for you to grab was most likely low hanging fruit (personal experience) and it's beautiful, wonderfully written, does what I want it to do, as an editor I'm here for it. But it could have just as easily been the same emotional through line but something else completely.
All fiction is autofiction, and no fiction is autofiction. Everything I write is nothing but a lie that tells the truth, no matter how many bits of my actual experiences pepper the prose, unless I tell you directly. (Between the two, both of the previous stories of mine mentioned are hard to pin down as to which has more of my actual lived experience in it, but neither of them are autofiction.)
I may also be going to great lengths to make the point that I FUCKING HATE THE TERM AUTOFICTION. But there's like, three more essays there.
It is good that you stood up for yourself. I look forward to seeing how you do more of that in your essays.
I appreciate the Tom Waits reference! 👏
Er, yeah, uh, sure… wait, what?
https://youtu.be/BmPd7Rc_Ggw?si=ryRC1Ao-Zq2OWcDt
Yes, eh em… totally intentional.
😀
Sandalore - as with all your work this hits the mark because of the truth and honesty that sits behind everything you do. The anger thing really struck a chord, mostly because of my particular set of trauma, I am more likely to be the ranting maniac than the person trying to make sense of it. Its been a real block for me over the years and I have tried many ways to control it, acknowledge it, work with it, use it... I've tried them all. I'm acutely aware of the destructive nature of the rage and the pointlessness of it in most situations - I have very little to be angry about in truth - yet still it rises, unbiden and takes over - I have to remove myself from my work place or friends and get control of the demon again - hopefully before I have said to much... I have found writing to be a great outlet - many of my close friends don't even believe I have this side to me - which is a good thing, but it also means I have to be even more careful because the damage would be more extreme/ surprising if I did let my guard down. There is so much work still to be done. You create a safe place for comment and discussion and you do this by being open and honest in a way I aspire to. See how we are all sharing our story in response to yours - that's a gift... a gift we cherish.
i love this